Part 2 - Educational Psychologist - feeling deflated

Oh I'm feeling a bit crap and deflated tonight. I always thought that dealing with your problems and doing what you set-out to do, would make for a better person. Tonight this does not feel like the case.

So I went through a 2 hours of academic tests with the educational psycologist. They were tiring and frustrating. They tests made me feel like an idiot. Especially because I could clearly see myself "tuning out" on a lot of the tests. The psyc definetlly feels I have a problem with keeping focus or remembering more complex ideas - which I already had gathered. Anyway, what made me upset was the fact that she said there might be a chance that I wont be able to improve on these abilities - which just made me feel like utter crap! I know this might not seem important to some, but it is important to me. I was under the impression (in my mind ) that once I dealt with this issue and got some help I would be able to improve dramatically in my performance, thus enhancing my confidence.

To know that there is a chance that I will just have to deal with these learning difficulties the rest of my life, is well "depressing" to put it mildly. Anyway, I'm hoping in a day or two I will be in a better frame of mind. Anyway, I haven't got her results yet, which will consist of a detailed written report on my learning abilitites and where she sees problems.

So what did we go through today (it's hard for me to remember since I'm such a dumbass!)

Well we went through coloured puzzles, which I can't really explain very well - but it was a bit like a missing key.

Another one was having the ability to understand spoken word, whilst destractive sounds were in the background (the background sounds got louder and louder). I actually think I aced that test. Where I think the psy thought I was going to bomb on it (because I get distracted easily).

There were timed visual tests, a bit like tatslotto but with pictures instead of numbers. I did good with this test - I'm sure.

There were basic written and spelling test - I didn't think I did too bad.

Grammar test - which was just so so

Listening to a story or paragraph and repeating what was said. I did bad in a lot of these. One of the stories she gave me, was roughly a paragraph long and by the end of the story I could not recollect what on earth she had just read out to me - scary!!! I seemed to do poorly in these memory type tests. She then came back to the stories later on (1/2 an hour or so and asked if I remembered roughly what each story was about - for some reason I could remember them better when I came back to them).

Anyway there were heaps of test, but these are all I can remember off the top of my head.

So by next week she will have sent me out the report and then I will go into her office and she will discuss points and explain what ideas she has to help me improve on my abilities. She will also give me the ADD test and set me homework - woo hoo.

I just impatient and want to get the ball rolling in my learning tasks.

Anyhoo that's all from me tonight. I did not go to gym today or yesterday. Yesterday I felt ill and today I feel grumpy.

Grey's Anatomy - John Mayer has a solution

John Mayer has a solution to the Isaac Washington debarkle read it in his blog under, "IT'S ONLY A SUGGESTION".

Since I'm still a lazy BIATCH

Well yes that's right I'm still lazy and really haven't got my ass into gear with anything, apart from gym. However, I know when I get my ass into gear with work and what not, I won’t have my ass into gear with gym - do you comprehendaaay? Ok you probably don't, but that's ok.

So since I've been totally lazy I've been watching all these TV shows from that link in my previous post.

I have say I LURVE, "Ugly Betty". It's a really fun little show and I love the characters. Venessa Williams, plays her character so well. Betty's family is great too. At first I thought they were going to cast them to be judgmental Latino family, but not at all. Really cool, loving accepting characters. I wont spoil it for you, but it's really nice show. Problem is I've watched the entire season, so now when "Ugly Betty" is on TV I'll have to entertain myself some other way.

I've also half way through the first season of "Weeds" another brilliant show. I lover Mary- Louise Parker, there is something really attractive/pretty about her. Very clever show and sometimes I imagined my life could of turned out like her character...ok I wouldn't be a drug dealer as such, but you know a white girl hanging out with back people from the ghetto. It's true, people wouldn't believe it if they saw me now, but you know I used to hang out with some Homie Gs when I was younger. Yes I was into rap at the ripe age of ten years old, which isn't too weird I suppose, but is if you live in Melbourne, Australia and go to all girls school and rap and stuff wasn't that big in Aus when I was young.

Also when I went to Malaysia, we went to this really remote island called Sipidan Island, there were some really cool hommies that lived on the island (which you could walk around in 20 minutes). Anyway, they were playing their guitars and singing their songs and i decided to join in. At first they thought I was really quiet, but half way through I was really loud and they like..."hey white girl, you’re really are quite different" and I was like "yeah".

Ok well that story didn't really sell my case - yet again, but as long as it makes laugh I don't mind if I look silly :P

Maybe it helped that I was drunk when I was in Malaysia, but my friend Leigh who is part maurie and kiwi, said I'm really fun and funny when I'm drunk. I think at her birthday I was trying to act like a Homie G"there too, don't ask me why? Maybe because all her friends are like Homie G". Actually I saw some photos that she took in NZ and I saw some of her boyfriends friends and I was thinking "fuck I wouldn't want to mess with them". Think 2pac and 50 cent!!!

Oh in homage to being a hommie G, maybe I should try this below - we should have something like this in Melbourne - right?




MC Lodwick pwns. on Vimeo

Aewsome link...want to see the latest TV shows

Oh I get to see Ugly Betty :)

http://tv.peekvid.com

Shiny Happy People NW - Enjoy :)

Something to help put a smile on your face :)



Shiny Happy People NYC on Vimeo

How I feel today

I feel pretty good today, I went to gym as I had missed it in the last two days (I mean I skipped it). Anyway, I feel like the gym is making a difference and I'm sure I beggining to notice the difference in the mirror. I'm feeling a lot more confident and my worries are lifting slightly, which is a positive. My attitude to weight loss is a lot better than my last effort. I'm not getting so upset when the bathroom scales tells me I have put on a few kg and I know eventually I will lose weight.

I dropped over to my aunts place after the gym. I love her new house it's gorgeous, it's the kind of house I would love. Anyway, I dropped over to see her new cross training machine that she just brought. She wanted me to come over and tell me what I thought of it. It's great, really sturdy and smooth. Will be great, when I'm house sitting in there in March. I keep on hinting she set-up a whole gym in her garage, with big plasma screens ;) We also had a good chat, and it was nice to just talk about life, family, worries etc

Oh my... I saw the dwarf man again

Ha ha. So I was at my favourite cafe again this morning, when who should walk by...no other than man I was talking about it my last story. Very strange, he was by himself this time and the strange thing was he walked by the cafe, then stoped right in front of me (where I was sitting in the cafe). He paused there for 30 seconds on the pavement and inhaled his cigarette and then continued on. For a minute there I was worried he had read my blog and was looking for me - but it can't be possibe!

A dwarf and a tall woman

I was sitting in my favourite cafe at lunchtime. Here I was sitting up at the front window of the cafe sipping my coffee and eating my poached eggs on dark mixed grain bread, looking out the window, watching people walking by, when I see a dwarf man and a tallish woman (in there early 40's) talking across the rd. Although, I actually was thinking the woman didn't know the dwarf because she was trying to get away with him and he kept on trying to get close to her and touching her and she kept on trying to pass him. I wasn't quite sure what the deal was with the two of them. Anyway, I continued to watch them and they looked like they were fighting, the woman finally sat down on a bench near by, the man followed soon after. He was still trying to talk to her and get close to her and she didn't seem to intersted. Then he looked like he was trying to fully grope her on the bench, putting his hands you know where and then kept head butting near her private parts and laughing. It was all very strange, the woman must of known him because after that she kept talking to him. Then she moved off the bench, still trying to sort of dodge the man. I can't quite figure out what was going on, it was almost as if she didn't want people to know she was with him. I can understand that because his behaviour was very strange.

Part 1 - Educational Psychologist - first meeting

Ok well, I've been to the psycologist and have completed the first part of the assesment. She was really good and I pretty sure she suspects I have ADD.

Doing all those test were quite draining for me and I actually got a headache at the end of it all. I clearly saw my weakness as did she. Especially when she was telling me a question, which was a bit long winded and I just switched off. I said to her I have no clue what your asking of me and she repeated the question and I just went blank. It was at that point that she said, have you ever being treated for ADD? To that I was like no but I think might have it. She thinks I have a problem processing long thoughts, and so I just switch off when it gets too hard. It was quite facinating to see how I dealt with a lot of questions and puzzles. I'm not sure of the final results yet, but I tell you I struggled with so many questions or games. A lot of them were to do with memory type games. Like I'm going to tell you some numbers out loud and you need to repeat them back to me - a lot of them I forgot after the first few seconds. Or she would say a mixture of numbers and objects and I would have to repeat them back, but objects would have to go first and numbers would have to go last. For example she would say "Orange, one, tree, eight" out a loud I would have to say Orange, tree, one and eight (most of the time I forgot after the first object).

Anyway, at least I know I was not imagining things. She's also going to test for ADD next week as well academic abilities. Todays session was all cognitive.

Anyway, I feel a sense of relief and that I am at least on the right track. The psycologist was very good and she also pointed a lot of these things could be to do with how I was brought up, my environment and how my anxiety growing up could of played a part in gaining these learning difficulties.

Stuff and Coincidences

I'm going to the psycologist very soon. It be intersting to see if she can tell me somthing about my learining abilities. I will be really annoyed if she's crappy.

Do you believe in coincidences? I had one of those strange moments today. I was just in the middle of writing up a new ad at a film site, stating "I'm looking for work". I got my government job and another freelance job from that site. Anyway, I was thinking of getting in contact with the guy that I designed a DVD interface for, because I wanted to ask if he minded me putting up design on my website. Anyway, I did mention in the ad, that I had done some work for this guy. Anyway, I sent the post and about two seconds later I hear a "bing" on my computer which is my email. I go to my ibox to see the guy has just sent me an email asking if I was intrested in doing some more work for him. I emailed him back asking if he saw my ad or was it just a coincidence. He said it was just a coincidence. Although, this is nothing major I think it's a bit wierd that he emailed right at that moment. I don't know what it means, but yeah I love little things like that. Things like that happen on a occasions and it sometimes makes me wonder if something or someone is looking after me or trying to tell me something.

Oh I just got a haircut as well. I have to say I am very impressed with my hairdresser and guess what she is the cheapest hair dresser I have ever been to. I have spent hundrends of dollars on haircuts from up market salons over the years, only to come out with crappy bobs. Anyway, this lady always does a great layered haircut and guess how much for? Wait for it...$18.50. She's the head hairdresser at The Hair House in Oakleigh Central. I'm not sure of her name, but I would highly recommend her.

Paul Rudd on Vimeo

Ha Ha Jakob Lodwick (Jakob's a really nice guy) one of the creators of vimeo got to interview Paul Rudd. I use to love Paul Rudd, he's been in quite a few movies and made a few guest appearences on "Friends".

I imagined him to be a lot differnt in real life - not sure what to think of him now.



Paul Rudd on the set of The Ten on Vimeo

You should also visit Vimeo and watch Tina Mosh and friends. They're a number of Australian girls that recently finished high school and are so comedic and full of life. Tina has just made a trip to the US and has met with Jakob , it's really great that friends can be made from an online community. Go VIMEO!

The perfect eyebrow

I did the old waxeroony, pluckaducky on the eyebrows this morning. I always can only get the one eyebrow to look good (my right one). I wonder if that has to with the left/right brain function?

Anyway, I decided to even wax on top. I don't always do this. I'm unsure if it works or not. I know oprah waxes on top and you know oprah she's always right ;)

I missed yoga this morning. Would you believe I got up exactly 10.40 am, which is the exact time yoga started. Do you think I subconsciously didn't want to go - I do!

I'll have to get going to the gym soon, time is ticking away.

Oh and it's TTOTM :( I was wondering why I was feeling ill this morning. May also explain my mood in the last week.

Visual Spacial Learner

I came across an article tonight that really explains the way I was a child and what I am like now. Nearly everything in this article describes me. Facinating stuff, the touch, light sensativity, smell and sound is very much me. here

When I was a child when people would touch me I would freak out. Even now it's bad. If someone comes up behind me and pokes me I freak out (and have know to hit people as a gut reaction). People always comment on how touch senstative I am.

I also remember at primary school when my friends would play with my hair in class (you know girls plating hair and what not). I would hate it, I would be so sensative to it, that I would tell them to stop. At times I would question if something sinister happened to me as a child (I don't think it has).I also hate anyting popping, like balloons, champane corks etc. I know a lot of people have this problem, but I'm sure mines more dramatic. I completly avoid these things like the plague. I remember at one of my old jobs, my workmates did up my workstation with balloons and streamers. Then as a joke, someone came up behind me a pop a balloon behind my back - I went ballastic.

Sound is also another big thing for me. If people are fidgeting, munching on their meal, or even just turing a page in a book or newspaper - I get so annoyed. It really shits me and I have to move away and I always point out sounds that no one else here's.

Light sensativity is another big thing for me. My optometrist pointed out to me not long ago that I am very light sensative. That's why I get migraines so often. Fluro lights, computers can set me off. My eyelids also burn if I don't wear sunglasses whilst it is sunny.

The way the article explains how Visual Spacial Learners learn explains me to a tee. I'm very visual, diagrams, pictures, photographs I absorb so well - words, and spoken language not so well. I'm always doodling and when I would be in a lecture all my note pages ended up having visual doodles in them.

I don't think I was a gifted child though ;)

Feel a little better, but all the boys at my gym - shoo!

I feel a bit better for going to the gym. I didn't do as many weights as I wanted to, but I did enough. I really hate doing weights when all the young spunky boys are hogging half the equipment. Plus they hang out in packs, they all seem to be friends. SO you feel like they're checking everyone out. My old gym at the Melbourne City Baths wasn't like that. Everyone stuck to themselves, which was good for me. My current gym seems to be very social, which is great for all the socialites, but I just want to be left to my own devices. On top of that all the lat pull downs machines (we have three) are too high for me, bar one. But most of the time the shorter one, has the wrong arm on it, or just the clip on it and I can't for the life of me change it to the correct bar. I've tried, but I just end up having a pulling match with it. If I want to use the other two lat pull downs I have to stand up on the seat and pull it down - I look so unco. Anyway, I i did about an hour and twenty minutes of cardio and weights.

I think I might try yoga tomorrow morning. I need to unwind!

I'm a little bit scared

For the last few weeks I've notice that I'm finding it difficult to write with a pen. My grip in my hand has become very lazy and no matter how many times I tell my brain to grip it harder - I can't. I'm not sure what that is. Maybe a bit of RSI?

Disgustingly Bloated

Yes, that's right I feel terribly bloated. I hate this feeling. Pants that were falling off me the otherday are just fitting. I know what's causing it - a bit of PMT, but also tea with milk. How many times do I have to get it through my thick scull that I can't take this S#$*^. Now I feel horrible and doing cardio work at the gym, doesn't really help the symtoms, so I'm going to do weights today and see if that helps.

Remember Curly Sue?

Look at her now on her my space here
I loved that movie.

Her music doesn't do much for me.

You should write in your blog once a day

I read on some other blog that if you're going to be serious about your blog then you should write in it everyday. So I'm going to try, but if you really knew me, you would know that I usually do the opposite to what is suggested. So don't expect a miracle ;)

I was a good girl and I went to the gym for an hour and ten minutes (all cardio).

I'm avoiding a lot of things in my life at the moment. I'm feeling so annoyed with myself, as I have just had no motivation in the last 2 and 1/2 weeks to look for work. What the hell is going on? I'm just procrastinating. Even when I type in a job keyword in "Seek", I close the page after a few seconds. I hope I get my motivation back, I’ve even seen quite a few jobs and I have let them pass. I'm just so confused with my career direction. I'm in design, and well I'm having real doubts about my abilities. I think I'm ok designer, but not great and well I'm just freaking out about it all. In some ways I feel I have chosen the wrong profession and I would of been better off doing psychology or being a youth councillor.

Being a designer really messes with my mind, because you always have this self doubt in your abilities. Also as it is a very visual industry, you always can see designers that are much better than you, just by looking at books, websites, galleries etc.

I don't really want to write anymore tonight, as this subject is all a bit too touchy for me at the moment.

I put a picture up of me in my bio section. That was me when I was a "wee little girl", with my favourite pet ever "Frazzy the cat". I might tell the story one day of how we became to be buddies. It's a really nice story :)

LOL - I think you've found your man!

LOL - I was reading the being famous blog and found this very funny post.

No need to look further - he he



He's a news reader!

source - being famous

Foul mood, but for some reason I'm liking the look of my face!

Oh my, I just was feeling so terrible today, lathargic and grumpy. I think having a coffee yesterday, triggered it. Yesterday I met up with an animator in Brunswick St and we got takeaway coffees. After I finished my coffee I was feeling so on edge. Like really jittery and on edge. All yestreday I was feeling stressed. I did a good hour and a half workout at the gym, which help reduce the symtoms. However, today I just was feeling so upset and I didn't want to do anything. I'm a bit better now, but boy I was feeling crappola. It's either the coffee or PMT. Whatever it is, it wasn't nice..

On a positive note, there's something about my face that I'm liking at the moment - lol. I noticed this feeling about a week ago, and theses postive feelings have continued so I thought I would note it. I don't get these feelings very often, so I wonder what it is? Don't get me wrong, I still aint happy with the rest of my body (and I'm no superficial biatch), but my face is just looking different to me. I wonder if it's because I'm getting older and I'm losing my baby face. I hope so! I know it's not the gym, because I was feeling this way before I started going back to the gym regularly.

I also should note that I don't wear make-up very often. Yes it's true. At times I think make-up makes me look worse, because I get such dry skin, my skin cracks with make-up, not a nice look. Plus I love seeing my natural freakles. Yes, I love my freakles. They're not very noticable, but they're there and I like them and I hate covering them up with make-up :)

Greys Anatomy star T.R. Knight on Ellen.

I didn't know T.R. Knight was gay. Oh boo hoo :( Not that it matters, it's not like I'll ever get with him - lol.

It's funny without even knowing which actors name was Isaiah Washington, I pretty much guessed it was him that called T.R a "faggot". Not cool.

Anyway, I still love T.R :)

Kate Langbroek - she's great

For many years I have admired Kate. I wish I had a little bit of what she has, which is balls. She's not afraid of anyone or anything and has the ability to tell it how it is. I also feel like I have a bit of a connection with her, as I grew up as a JW too, so I understand why she makes reference to them in a lot her intervierws. There's something about growing up as JW and just wanting to let it all out. The feelings you get when walking away from JW is confusion, anger, sadness, isolation and that overall feeling of being lost. No one should made to feel so guility about leaving a religion. Aggghh, just makes me angry writing about it. SO I'm gonna leave it there, but I just wanted to say Kate's great.

the age article

Playing tennis in 40 degree heat - not cool!

I just wonder why Australian Tennis Officials didn't cancel today’s tennis matches (Australian Open) in Melbourne? It was freaking 41 degrees outside. Not to mention it would of been much hotter on the courts more like 50 degrees. I just think this is plain stupidity on their part and really how can you classify the games played today as been a true/fair game. They're just lucky no one suffered serious illness.

SHAME, SHAME, SHAME Australian Open Officials!!! Pure stupidity on your part.

Oh and might I add that I can't stand Layton Hewitt and I hope he does poorly in tonights match :) Anyone, that sells there whole family life to the media so they can get lots of money sucks in my opinion. Roger Federer is cool though :)

Gym receptionist made me very grumpy

Aaaggghhh! I'm not one to get angry very often, but when someone is condecending to me I really get the shits.

So I went to they gym today (yet again) and I go to swipe my gym card to get into the gate that lets you into the gym. But the little red button didn't turn green, so I said to the girl, "my card didn't swipe, should I try it again" and she was like, "no, there must be something wrong with your account let me look on the computer", she then straight away said in a condecending voice "your card payment hasn't gone through, you can't go through, did you get a new credit card", to that I said "No" and then I remembered I forgot to lift a block I put on my card because I thought I had lost it, so I said to her "Oh I forgot there's a block on it" and she was like, "you can't go through then, I can't do anything about it, you have to go to the bank and fix it". I had no problem with that, but it was the way she was speaking to me, like as a dick for not making the payment. I guess you would have to be there to here how she was speaking.

Man I was so furious after the way she was talking to me, so this was what I was thinking - fuck man, I've payed my payments for the last two years (without one stuff-up), who the fuck are you to talk to me like I'm moron. On top of that my money goes towards paying for her pay check.

Anyway, I was in a really bad mood after that and it took me some time to get over it. I went to the bank and got the block removed and then walked back into the gym. I didn't give attitude, because it wasn't worth it. I didn't want to make a scene and really it wasn't worth it. Plus the gyms just a few minutes down the road from me (so I don't want to leave). Anyway, I was firm in the way I spoke to girl once I came back, so I think she knew I wasn't going to take attitute from her. She was then polite to me, which was good.

I really don't know why I have written the above, because it just doesn't sell my case.

Let's go to Candy Mountain!

This is really silly, but funny at the same time. It's been around for a while, but I want to remember it :)

Setting up a new DVD player

OMG I spent the whole day swapping and returning DVD players, trying to install it and then set the damn thing to multizone regions. It's now 4:15 pm and this is all I have worked on all day - what a waste! I have to admit the recording option is great. You can't tell the difference from tv to DVD recording quality. So I'm very happy about that :)

I will go to the gym tonight. Although, I'm really tired. I'll set-off at about 7pm. Non stop Lauguna Beach :)

And before I forget Versace Perfume

Oh before I forget. I'm not a huge perfume fan (only because I get headaches from them), but today at the gym they had the Versace Crystal Noir (I think that's the one) commerical on and well have you heard the voiceover guy. "Oh my God, talk about sexy", that voice well could pretty much eat me up and then spit me out ;) I wish I could have a perment recording of his voice implanted in my head, just the way he said, "Versace". Oh I wish I could find a clip of it.

More MTV, the gym, Paula Abdul and wierd baby!

Well, because yesterday went so well with the gym. I decided to check out the foxtel program last night, only find that there was a "Sweet Sixteen" Marathon on MTV. Sweet, so I decided I would do a couple of hours at the gym (2 1/2), which I did. This is definetly the longest time I have spent at the gym. It was great.

Although, have to admit by the end of it all I was getting fed up watching the spoilt little brats. Far-out are these parents morons? Seriously these kids a just awful. Who the F%^$^ gets a mercedes at 15 or 16 years of age. Anyway, I'm going to leave it at that for the moment, because well it just sucks.

And to finish off here's some funny footage of Paula Abdul at an interview - she's pretty much drunk.



and a baby that laughs like an adult (this is has been around for a while but still funny).

h

I went to the gym and MTV is addictive :)

Ha ha, they've now got MTV back on at my gym (no more Channel V). It's great; I love watching all their crappy reality shows. Laguna Beach was on, "Which was just, soooo like out there!" ;) It's a bad show but addictive.

There was a show on afterwards called "Rob and Big" pretty silly show but the Rob made a comment when driving back home from the nutritionist that made me crack-up. So I will quickly explain the background to this story. Rob is trying to help his friend "Big" lose weight (big is around 416 pounds if I understand correctly). Anyway, Robs taking “Big” to all these expert and his last stop is a nutritionist. The nutritionist looks at Big's diet, which consist of hamburgers and fries for breakfast and lots of junk food during the day. The nutritionists suggests to begin with that Big concentrates on food proportions, rather than removing junk food from his diet. Once Rob and Big leave nutritionist and drive back home, Rob and Big are discussing how it went with the nutritionist. Rob isn't too happy with her suggestion, believing that "Big" needs to just have a strict diet and do boot camp. Anyway, this is the line that made me crack up, about the nutritionist. See it for yourself in Youtube clip below- too funny...


If you didn't catch what he said.."Oh, you doing cocaine and alcohol and youve been shooting a little heroine, and smokeing crack. I'm not going to tell you to stop, just when you get that crack rock smoke half of it". lol I love it :)

Another show I'm getting addicted too is, "My Sweet Sixteen". Although, I do get really annoyed with the spoilt brats. These little rich kids parents should be ashamed. They're not teaching their kids anything.

There's one show on MTV I definetly don't agree with is "The Virgin Diaries", which follows young kids that want to lose their virginity and basically condones their behaviour. I mean they showed a young 16 year old guy from the UK wanting to lose his virginity and how he and his friend had a race to see who would lose it first. They showed them cracking onto girls and showing how close they were to losing "it". Pretty bad/low IMO.

After all this, did you notice my title? What I am subconsciously saying is "MTV is addictive but not gym". :) Oh when I get a new job, I'm sure I'm gonna get Foxtel.

It's nice when people pass on your name.

Bumped into one of my uni teachers the otherday and mentioned that I just finished my contract. Yesterday I got an email saying ring this person there might be some freelance work with them.

I did ring and the woman seems really nice. Needs to learn how to animate in After Effects. She's has been commisoned by AFC (Australian Film Commision) to do an animated film. Hmm would be nice if something came out of it. Good teaching experience.

Learning Difficulties.

Well today I took the first steps to finding out what's wrong with me. All a bit scary but also good in a sense.

After reading up on my symtoms I came to the conclusion that I most probably have a learning difficulty. I even could have dyslexia or DYSGRAPHIA (which I had never heard about before) or I still could just have ADD.

DYSGRAPHIA - Inability to write coherently, but you are able to read.

What I didn't know, was the dyslexia symtoms don't always mean that you mix words and numbers or that you see warped writing or that you can't read. This is not always the case with dyslexia, which I was very suprised to find out. I never even bothered looking into dyslexia because I thought you had to have those symtoms.

So I got in contact with a number of associations dealing with dyslexia and educational pyscology and was finlly put in touch with an educational pycologist. I'm going to make an appointment with her although expensive. Over a number of sessions she will look at my learning style and see how I understand, pick-up things. I really hope she is able to explain, or help me improve some of my symtoms - otherwise I will find it very difficult in my working life.

You might wonder how I could possibly have any of these problems as I am writing right now - true but people with dysexia, DYSGRAPHIA or general learning abilities can write for themselves, but under pressure they can not perform. Which has been my problem my whole life. When required to write for exams, essays, reports, resumes. cover letters etc I just can not perform. My mind goes blank, I basically freak out.

Here are some of my other symtoms:

- That I find it very hard to write papers, reports, essays and exams. I get very stressed in these situations and my brain does not function. I always feel really down when I can't complete these task, so I avoid them like the plague. I can write things for myself (like I'm doing write now), which also made me think I couldn't have dyslexia.

- I can read and I read quite well but I don't enjoy reading at all. I don't know how many books I've picked up to read and five minutes later it's sitting on the table. I get very bored, unless I really find a book that interests me and I do skim a lot of pages. My family thinks it's quite strange as they are all big readers.

However, if I read aloud or if someone reads to me I find it hard to remember what has just been read out. I remember when I was younger people would ask me, "So what's the answer?" and I would just look at them blank and get frustrated because I couldn't remember what they had just said. Or if people had read a paragraph out and wanted me to explain what the paragraph meant I wouldn't be able to explain it.

- I also find it very hard to listen to a lecturer or a speaker and takes notes at the same time. If I do take notes they don't really make sense and usually just end up being a few simple words not sentences.

- I don't mix numbers or jubble words.

- I'm very disorganised and extemly messy.

- My concentration levels are pretty bad. I can write or draw something for about a minute before standing up or walking away or finding something else to do.

- I do at times not listen to what people have just said and ask them to repeat what they have just said.

- My handwriting was never terrible, but over the years it has got a lot messier and requires effort for me to keep it neat. I also mix cursive writing with print. My hand has also got a lot more lazier over the years and at times can be hard for me to grasp the pen properly.

- I am terribe with maths. I don't know any of my times tables and adding up in my head is a joke. I mean I can do simple sums like 10+5 but if you say to me what's 58+33 that's where I begin to lose it. Hence why I never wanted to work in a cafe.

Anyway, this all I have to write at the moment. I will keep you up-to-date. I'm hoping if I can improve in this area, other area of my life will begin to improve - like my diet. I think I need to get to the root of the problem and let's face it, I always felt such inadequecy with my learning skills. It's probably the one big thing that has worried me all my life. If I can somehow improve this problem, hopefully my esteem and confidence will improve

What I find funny!

Is this kind of sense of humour. I think theses guys are so funny. They should really have their own show. I wish they had some of their older clips up at Vimeo - they were so funny!!! One thing you should know about me is I love to laugh - bring on the laughter I say :) Did I mention that they were funny?



A Quiet Night In on Vimeo

I also find this to be so cute!!!


kitten vs. frontrow on Vimeo

Oh I found my Blog again - yay! So where was I?

I thought I lost this thing. I couldn't remember the address as I had reinstalled Tiger and I had lost all my bookmarks and what not.

So I guess you're wondering what happened with my plans and desires. Okay well maybe you're not, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Well, my wishes didn't come true - boo hoo. I did get to stay on in my job for an extra month, they didn't have the budget to extend my contract any further . So now I'm in the process of looking for new work. Which really translates, I am yet to "really" look for work. I have seen two jobs that I'm really like the look at, but I'm terrible at writing up selection criteras.

Today I also went to the Drs, as my anxiety is just getting a bit too much. I also suspect I have ADD. No I'm not hyper I just lose concentration very, very easily. Like right now, I'm even getting bored of this blog and want to log off. It's quite stressful. When I want to apply for jobs I can't because I don't know how to write and I just wonder off. I really want to hit this thing in the bud before it becomes worse. Anyway, I don't really want to talk about it, because well it's something I really struggle with. I mean who wants to take wacky pills for the rest of their life - not me!

So I'm going to end this post with four things that I would like to achieve this year and I will look forward to looking back on this post and realise I didn't achieve any things that I set out to do. The main thing is, I will have something to look back on. It doesn't matter that I will yet again fail at my disires. "No", this is not important, the main thing is that at least I know I will fail :)

So these are the things I would like to happen (again they wont happen):

1. Get a kick-arse job
2. Become more adventurous
3. Lose weight
4. Have an overseas holiday